Making A Christmas Cake



Sample the vodka to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the vodka again to be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.


Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is still OK.

Try another cup ....... just in case

Turn off the mixerer.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit

Pick fruit off floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.

Sample the vodka to check the tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a sh*t.

Check the vodka.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven and piss in the fridge.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.

Fall into bed.


Updated at 15:48 EST on Tue Apr 11, 2006