Men are Lunatics, Women are Nuts
Women have more imagination than men. They need it to tell us how
wonderful we are. A successful man is one who makes more money than his
wife can spend. A successful women is one who can find such a man.
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow
deteriorate during the night. When women are depressed they either eat
or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way
of thinking. A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one-dollar
item he wants. A woman will pay one dollar for a two-dollar item that
she doesn't want.
When a man gives his opinion, he's a man. When a woman gives her
opinions, she's a bitch. Women are the only exploited group in history
who have been idealized into powerlessness.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are a man's best friend. Now you
know which sex is smarter. Most men's primary fantasy is still,
unfortunately, access to a number of beautiful women. For a man,
commitment means giving up this fantasy. Most women's primary fantasy is
a relationship with one man who either provides economic security or is
on his way to doing so (he has "potential"). For a woman, commitment to
this type of man means achieving this fantasy. So commitment often means
that a woman achieves her primary fantasy, while a man gives his up.
It's not true that men prefer foolish women. Rather they prefer women
who can simulate foolishness whenever necessary, which is the very core
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle
instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. The only way to
understand a woman is to love her - and then it isn't necessary to
understand her. To women, love is an occupation. To men, a
preoccupation. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and
love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. Men marry
because they are tired; woman because they are curious. Both are
disappointed. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,
while a man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A woman
will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her; a
man, of the woman who he didn't. There are two times when a man doesn't
understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. One is to let
her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have
it. Married men live longer than single men, But married men are a lot
more willing to die. Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use
two people remembering the same thing.
Some husbands are living proof that a woman can take a joke. Husbands
are like cars: all are good the first year.
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after
that is the beginning of a new argument.
If you women knew what we were thinking, you'd never stop slapping us.
Men are like animals, but they make great pets.
Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat
women. Women have two weapons - cosmetics and tears. Women may be the
only group that grows more radical with age. God made man before woman
to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.
Updated at 17:52 EST on Sat May 27, 2006